I’d go anywhere, anywhere…ask me and I’m there…

Blogging. It’s fun to share my thoughts, when I have time to do so. But time has been a precious commodity lately. Tax season is officially over (really, it isn’t, but most people believe after April 15th it is) so now it is time to catch up on the many numerous things that get pushed aside while the government waits for details of its citizens’ income.

I’ve had little time for most things I love. My plants are in dire need of some TLC. A nasty case of gnats in one plant is on my radar. Those little buggers are a real pest!

In the midst of the tax madness my stepdaughter married her darling love. The wedding was perfect; it fit her to a tee. She had a vision and it came to life. I’m so very happy for this beautiful young woman and the very cool man she will spend her life with.

I spent the weekend with my daughter’s children while she had a mini vacation in California. Enjoying time with my grandchildren supersedes any possible plans that I might ever have. I love them all that much. Life is just better when I’m with them (and their parents).

In a few months I will actually be going on a real vacation. Life and all the things that get thrown into my world have prevented me from exploring this amazing beautiful world I so long to see. Other than a trip within my home state I haven’t been anywhere in several years. It kind of pisses me off to think about being stuck as I have been for so long, so I will shift my thinking to what I am about to enjoy – the beauty of the northwest and a little bit of Canada. Excited? Unbelievably so.

Viva!!

I went to Las Vegas recently. I hadn’t been there in 15 years or so…. I can’t say I’ve missed much.

The purpose of the trip was to see the musical legend, Van Morrison. He was appearing at Caesars Palace so I purchased tickets, hotel room and we drove up from Phoenix.

Las Vegas feels, well, fake. It’s almost as if you’re living in a movie scene between the different sorts of people, the noise, the constant ‘something ’going on. Maybe, living in an extremely stressful dream sequence would be a better description.

The cigarette smoke in of itself was a bit much for this old lady. I did encounter a man smoking some pot (weed, for you younger folks) and that smell isn’t offensive but cigarette smell is just yucky. In most cities it is outlawed in a public place but not in Vegas. There is a different set of rules in the Bright Lights city.

As we were walking around, we had another odd encounter – two scantily dressed young women decked out in show attire (barely anything covered, but you get the picture) asked if we wanted a photo taken with them. I was startled by their question and quickly blurted out, “Oh, good lord, NO!” As soon as I said it, I realized I sounded just like my mother. I heard her voice in my response. It was a bit comical.

I remember years ago being able to go to the buffet and eat cheap. The buffet runs about $50, which is also about what you’ll pay for a meal for 2. Las Vegas isn’t cheap.

The show was spectacular! Van Morrison isn’t a personable guy, he doesn’t chat with the audience but the music was phenomenal. His band was sharp and perfect. I loved closing my eyes and hearing “that” voice. It evoked some wonderful memories.

We gambled a little. I lost a few dollars on video poker which he won back at the roulette. I prefer being alone, playing a silly machine rather than being at some sort of table with other people. I am a loner, to some degree. He is not so the tables suit him, thankfully we left Las Vegas with more than we came with, not much, but a little.

I doubt I will go back anytime soon unless there is another show I want to see. James Taylor is coming to Vegas but I will wait until he makes his way to my town. It’s just not my cup of tea.

My Little Forest

I love plants.  I have many.  My son walked into my house and jokingly asked, “Mom, do you think you need more plants?”  My response was, of course I do.  I love each one and when one doesn’t thrive, I take it personally.  When I have to trim off the dead leaves, I am grateful for the time they were green.  I like the oxygen the plants give my home as much, or perhaps more, than the vibe they bring to the room.

If I could, I would build a house in the mountains with great windows so that my entire home would be lit up each day and my plants would be able to be scattered about in each room, a forest inside a home.  As it is now, there are just 3 rooms that can properly accommodate my plants.

I have a new plant (pictured below) that was given to me by my boss for my work anniversary and I will take it home this week.  I have kept it in my office just to be surrounded by more greenery, but I know exactly where I will put this lovely tree once it is home.

I have some re-potting to do soon, time to give them all a little love.

a plant

Black & White

And many shades of grey.

Life looks different from different angles, different views. One size does not fit all.

We are all unique in our visions, opinions, desires….even when they may appear similar.  In contrast, when divided, we are more similar than we choose to believe.  Humans are an interesting breed.  Black & White, but mostly grey.

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Goodbye, Mom

It has been almost 3 weeks since my mother died. We knew the day was coming that she would be free from her illness but as most people know, that comfort does not outweigh the tremendous grief of losing someone you love.

My mom was a hoot! At her funeral it was evident in the things that were said about her that she spent her life with a constant desire to enjoy each day. Mom was the opposite of an introvert. She loved gatherings, talking to strangers, telling her many stories to whomever would listen. An example, on Mom’s last trip to Disneyland we were sitting waiting for a show to begin and within just minutes Mom knew the names of the people sitting within earshot of her and where they were from….and they learned a thing or two about her as well. I envied that about her. I am an introvert. I spend my time trying to avoid anyone who isn’t within my tight group of people. If I am comfortable with you, I will share my world with you but that takes a bit of time to achieve. So, I’m not exactly sure where I got that from since neither of my parents were introverts.

My mother is now resting with my father. As it should be. They were married for 52 years when he passed away so it is only fitting that they will spend forever next to one another. They were the love of each other’s lives.

With each day I cry a little less, the stabbing pain in my heart isn’t as frequent. I am grieving, but I am moving forward. Processing each day; the ebbs and flows, ups and downs…. navigating my way through it all. I have read with great comfort sweet words from my friends and family and the kindness has helped.

I will miss Mom every day of my life.

Side note: As I was typing my comments about being an introvert, I had to chuckle that I do not talk to people in public gatherings, but here I sit, typing my intimate thoughts for anyone to read. Anyone. Ironic.

Motivation

I’ve touched on this before but complexities of life and watching human behavior around me has prompted me to speak of it again – motives.  What is your motive?  Is it a pure heart or is it selfish desire?  Do you want to better another human or do you want to punish them?  Looking at the motive behind a reaction and being truthful with yourself can be painfully hard but will usually result in making the best decision.

How I react to the people in my life is up to me.  What my motive is will determine my reaction.  With my little grandson, my motive will be to guide and direct him with the deep love of his adoring Grammy which in turn will result in a positive reaction.  I love the child and want him to thrive and grow emotionally.  Can I react with the same motive to, say, my co-worker?  Probably not.  But I can choose to react in a way that will not only help me to be a better person, but will hopefully help them as well.

Motives are a big thing and a direct result of one’s character.

Here’s to uplifting one another and positive motives!

Question

Do you wake up each morning and think to yourself, what can I do to ensure I have little or no regrets today?  I usually wake up and think about how much time I have to get to work.   Then, I hurry out the door to face the traffic.  Weaving in and out, everyone in competition of who can be at the head of the pack.  I confess, I attempt to be in the lead most mornings.  In that competition there is often frustration.  I arrive at my office long before anyone else and am typically a little frazzled.  The office is dark and quiet and implores me to slow down and relax.  It’s in that moment where I have realized I regret my hurried actions.  I quietly turn on the lights, open the office up for the day and begin to organize my workload.  It is a wonderful time in the morning before anyone arrives and all I hear are my thoughts…. or the song that is in loop in my head.  At the end of my workday, I leave and head back to the same road I was on forgetting about my early morning regret.  It’s a crazy cycle and I’m a bit tired of it.  I regret allowing this never-changing, endless circumstance in my life to cause me angst.

Having some regret in life is unavoidable; be it something as simple as that extra piece of pizza or something life-changing, like a lost love.  I think the goal is to try to avoid making poor decisions, which requires discipline – being in control.  Human tendencies make developing that habit an everyday effort.

There is a song I love and this morning the lyrics are running over and over again in my head:

I’m looking for someone to change my life

I’m looking for a miracle in my life

Perhaps that someone is me.  Perhaps I can create my own little miracle and learn to slow down, learn to discipline my thoughts, what I speak and how I react.

Thunder only happens when it’s raining….

Perhaps it is living in the desert southwest that makes me appreciate it, or perhaps it is simply deeply ingrained into my soul but I love the rain. I love a big, loud thunderstorm. The monsoonal flow has been alive and active the last week and all I want to do is follow the storms. Stuck in an office keeps me feeling like I need to do something else, as if I’m forgetting something, but it is simple – let me out of this office so I can be where the rain is falling.

I grew up listening to fabulous stories my grandfather would tell of the storms he witnessed in Tornado Alley. I think I chose this life and this family to hear those stories! He told many stories but his storm stories were my favorites. As a child, I would dream vivid dreams of storms and tornadoes. I’ve seen a few tornadoes in my day but I can’t seem to get enough of the beauty that this earth can create.

I will relish in these days of the monsoonal storms while I can. I will watch the lightening and count…. waiting for the thunder, anticipating the number will shorten in hopes the storm is getting closer. I will be excited for the land as it soaks up the moisture and the plants and wildlife flourish.  I will be grateful for the storms.

 

Laugh a Little

Life.  We often refer to it as a roller coaster.  I want more up moments than down but then, who doesn’t.  I wish I could eliminate those difficult days.  The roller coaster took an ugly turn recently.  It isn’t easy facing realty with this one.  I’m attempting to find humor in my days so I can laugh off the stress.  It is better than any pill, laughter releases something wonderful.

Looking towards the future, knowing myself and how I respond to the stresses in life, I will most certainly need an abundance of time with my sweet grandkids.  Nothing puts out those stress flames quite like those beautiful faces….and the laughter I mentioned earlier.

Optimism, gratitude, love, laughter, and my sweet loves.  I’ll get through this.