Bonus Child!

I am a stepmom and a stepgrandma.  I’ve been a stepmom for almost 28 years.  I’ve been through the good and the bad.  I know a little about this subject.

The new phrase is “Bonus Child.”  I like it.  It fits, but only if you want it to.  You see, the dynamic of a blended family can be either miserable or rewarding.  It takes work.  I made mistakes with my stepdaughters over the years and trust me, you don’t want to live with that guilt.

What I have found are some of the keys to step-parenting:  know your place – I’m not their mother, I am their father’s wife; and also, encourage your significant other’s relationship with their children.  I give to him, what I expect back.  My children come first.  After all, they actually came first.  Doesn’t it make sense that I would have greater respect for my husband when I witness what a fantastic father he is?

I spent some time with my step-grandkids last weekend.  I was showing photos of my bio-grandkids to one of my step-granddaughters and mentioned to her that I have 3 grandchildren when she quickly corrected me – I have 11 grandkids!  I’m happy that this sweet child sees me as her grandma.  Kids don’t see DNA, they see love.

I encourage you, if you’re in a blended family, support your significant other’s bond with their children.  Be a safe place for your stepkids to come and share their lives with you.  Do it right from the beginning.  It’s worth it.